I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You pole danced in your parka.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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