Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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