Don't make out with my wife yet
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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