$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mom said you looked used
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
