Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You made out with two different species that night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
