It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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