My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
