If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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