so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
