Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
