Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
