i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
