I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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