Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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