Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
