i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
