so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
