If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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