Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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