I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
