Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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