My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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