Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
