put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
