it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
