I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
