Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
