Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
