I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
