your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
