So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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