Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
