He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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