Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
