the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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