i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
