Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
