I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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