do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
