Whod you bang
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
