I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
