i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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