Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
