Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
