need another drink. this is the easiest way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
