your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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