Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
