TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i dont even know how to be here
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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