If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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