Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
