i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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